How to Tell Your Family You’re Eloping (Without Guilt)

I get that it can be intimidating to tell your family you’re eloping. Especially when they are expecting a more traditional wedding! The key? Come into the conversation with a good came plan and approach the conversation with kindness, honesty, and clarity.

Permission to Celebrate Your Marriage on Your Own Terms

First, this is your permission slip to create a wedding day that feels most exciting to you—without guilt. This day is about celebrating your love, and no one has the right to take that joy away from you.

If a loved one makes you feel bad about your decision, try to remember this:

  • You’re choosing what’s best for you as a couple.
  • Their disappointment is not a reflection of your love for them—it’s a reflection of their own expectations.
  • And you’re not obligated to meet everyone else’s expectations. (Trust me, trying to do so could create feelings of resentment down the road.)

By prioritizing your happiness, you’re setting the tone for your marriage: one where you value what truly matters to you both.

When it’s time to tell your family you’re eloping, here’s how to make it easier on both you and your loved ones.

Mountain adventure elopement in Colorado

How to Start Dropping Hints (Before You Even Tell Your Family You’re Eloping)

The sooner you can start dropping hints of your plans, the better.

Mention how you’ve always been drawn to intimate moments or how the thought of a small wedding resonates with you. Dropping little hints plants the seed and softens the surprise when it’s time to officially share your plans.

You can casually say things like:

  • “We’re keep being really drawn to the idea of an elopement.”
  • “The idea of a big wedding just doesn’t feel like us.”
  • “We’re thinking of making our wedding day more about the experience than the event.”
  • “We want to keep our wedding very small.”
  • “We want our wedding day to be totally unique and less traditional.”
  • “Some of the best moments in life are the quiet ones with just the people who matter most.”
  • “I think there’s something so romantic about having a day that’s just focused on the two of us.”
  • “I love how weddings can be whatever you want them to be these days.”

These subtle comments early-on can help family and friends understand your mindset from the start, making the conversation easier when you’re ready to announce your plans.

Couple on a mountaintop during their elopement

Explain Your WHY

When it comes time to tell your family you’re eloping, consider announcing the news in person, or over video! This will help your family see how genuinely excited you are about the idea of an elopement.

A simple opening like, “We want to share something important with you, and we hope this can be a heartfelt and supportive conversation.”

By starting with a clear and thoughtful framework, you create space for an open, empathetic conversation. This makes it more likely to be met with understanding and love. (One of the wonderful things I’ve learned from Charles Duhigg, author of Supercommunicators.)

Then, focus on the heart of your decision. Remember why this feels like the perfect fit for you as a couple. Share how it’s not about excluding anyone—it’s about starting your marriage in a way that feels most meaningful and exciting to you.

Here’s an example of what you might say:

“We’ve thought a lot about how we want to start this next chapter together. We realized that a small, intimate day feels most aligned with who we are as a couple. For us, eloping isn’t about leaving anyone out—it’s about creating a day where we can focus on our love, our commitment, and the adventure of starting our lives together.”

Scroll down for a complimentary letter/script to announce your elopement to your loved ones!

Moody elopement photos

Share Photos to Help Illustrate Your Vision

Sometimes, the idea of eloping can be difficult for family to understand. But it can help to share the kind of day you’re envisioning. I’ve heard from couples whose loved ones didn’t fully “get it” until they showed photos of other intimate weddings or elopements that captured the essence of their vision. Whether it’s images of nature-filled ceremonies or adventurous moments, sharing these photos can help your family see that your elopement is about creating a day that feels authentic and meaningful to you—not just about avoiding tradition.

How to Include Family & Friends (Without Them Physically Being There)

If you’re worried about leaving loved ones out, don’t worry! There are so many meaningful ways to include them in your day, even if they’re not physically there on the day of. Here are a few ideas:

  • Eventize Other Wedding Traditions: Invite your family to help you pick out your wedding attire, throw a pre-elopement party, or even host a send-off dinner to celebrate together before your big day.
  • Ask for Letters or Videos: Have your family and friends write heartfelt letters or record video messages for you to read or watch on your wedding day.
  • Throw a Reception or Anniversary Celebration: Whether it’s a post-elopement dinner or a party a year later, these gatherings are a wonderful way to share your photos, tell stories, and celebrate with everyone.
  • Share a Special Dinner: After your elopement, invite your loved ones to an intimate dinner where you can share your photos and memories from the day.

A Sample Letter to Share Your Elopement Plans

If you don’t have the opportunity to tell your family you’re eloping face-to-face, here’s a draft for a letter you can send. You can also use this as a script for your conversation with family!

Dear [Name(s)],

We wanted to share something exciting with you—after a lot of thought, we’ve decided to elope!

This decision comes from a place of wanting to start our marriage in a way that feels truly aligned with who we are as individuals and as a couple. We’ve realized that what excites us most isn’t the big event or following tradition, but creating a deeply personal and intimate experience that reflects our values and love for adventure.

Now that we’ve reached this decision, we feel an overwhelming sense of relief and excitement—not just for our wedding day, but for the freedom to plan something that feels authentic to us.

This wasn’t an easy decision because we love and value our friends and family so much. And this doesn’t mean you won’t be a part of our day—in fact, we’d love for you to [write us a letter / record a video] to share your love and support, which we’ll read or watch during a special moment on our wedding day. We’d also love to include you in [our wedding send-off, wedding planning].

We’ll be thinking of you every step of the way and carrying your love with us wherever we go. [mention plans, like a post-elopement dinner, reception, etc.].

Thank you for your love and understanding as we create this day in a way that feels most like us. We’re so grateful to have your support as we start this exciting new chapter.

Love,
[Your Names]

Colorado eloping couple reading letters from family

Handling Common Objections with Grace

When you tell your family you’re eloping, not everyone may respond with immediate support. It’s natural for loved ones to have questions or maybe even feel disappointed, but their reaction doesn’t have to derail your plans. Here are some common comments you might hear—and compassionate ways to respond:

“But we wanted to be there!”
“We completely understand, and it means so much to us that you want to celebrate with us. We’ve put a lot of thought into this decision and feel like an elopement is the best way for us to start our marriage. That said, you’re such an important part of our lives, and we’d love to celebrate with you before or after—whether it’s a dinner, a party, or just sharing our photos and stories with you.”

“Are you ashamed of your family?”
“Not at all. This decision isn’t about keeping anyone away—it’s about creating an experience that feels right for us as a couple. We love you and want you to know this isn’t personal. In fact, we’d love for you to be involved in other ways, like writing us a letter or recording a video we can watch on our wedding day.”

“Weddings are about bringing everyone together.”
“You’re so right—celebrating love with family and friends is so special, and we absolutely want to do that in a way that feels authentic to us. We’re planning something really meaningful for our wedding day, and we hope to celebrate with everyone afterward in a way that’s equally memorable.”

“Won’t you regret not having a big wedding?”
“For us, we feel like we’d regret not staying true to what feels right for us. Big weddings can be amazing, but we’ve realized that a smaller, more intimate celebration is what excites us most. We’re confident this decision will make our wedding day even more memorable.”

“What will people think?”
“We understand that not everyone will ‘get it,’ and that’s okay. What matters most is that we’re happy and starting our marriage in a way that feels meaningful to us. At the end of the day, we’re excited to share our joy with the people who love us most.”

Addressing Common Myths About Eloping

Many people associate elopements with running off in secret or being impersonal. Here’s the truth:

Elopements are “real” weddings because they’re rooted in love, commitment, and authenticity.

Elopements are deeply personal because they focus on what’s most important to the couple. They give couples the opportunity to spend quality time together on their wedding day, which is often not the case during a busy, traditional wedding.

Eloping doesn’t mean you don’t care about family, it simply means you’re prioritizing what feels right for you and your partner instead of planning an event to meet the expectations of others.

Couple enjoying slow time on their elopement day

How to Support Someone Who’s Eloping

If a friend or family member tells you they’re eloping, the best thing you can do is support them wholeheartedly. Understand that eloping is not a personal slight against you—it’s a choice that brings them joy and excitement. Here’s how you can show your love:

  • Respect Their Decision: Trust that they’re doing what’s best for them.
  • Show Up for Them: Write a heartfelt letter, join in on pre-elopement celebrations, or help them prepare for their day.
  • Celebrate Their Joy: Your encouragement will mean everything to them.

When you love someone, the most important thing you can do is honor their happiness—even if it looks different than what you imagined.

Colorado mountain elopement

Your Elopement & Micro Wedding Photographer (and Biggest Cheerleader)

Hey, I’m Amber!

I’m an Estes Park, Colorado-based elopement and micro wedding photographer who’s all about capturing your day in a way that feels laid-back, fun, and so you.

From being there for you when you tell your family you’re eloping to beautifully photographing your day-–I’m here to make the entire process exciting and stress-free!

Think we might be a good fit? Then fill out the inquiry form below to get started!

Estes Park, Colorado based elopement and micro wedding photographer

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